Blog <risk

For those of you reading who may not follow me on my other social handles, you may not know that although being a full time stay at home mommy to the most amazing baby boy is of course my number one job and my pride and joy I also have another job ( and no it's not blogging ) 

For the past 10 months or so I have been working on my own business. It's definitely a lot more work then anyone would think or would lead you to believe. But as the saying goes:

"Good things come to those who work hard!" Put in the time whenever you can, never stop dreaming, never stop trying and watch your visions come to life!

I know that all sounded very cheesy and annoyingly over positive but at this point I need to think and be this way and I do mean it. 

My business took a bit of a back seat for the past six months or so which was not something I planned for but was absolutely what I needed to do and I do not regret doing what I needed to do for my family and myself.

I've gone back and forth on when would be the "right" moment to get back into my business. To be honest I don't know if there is every a "right" moment, I think you just have to trust ow you feel, watch for the signs and not push it!

At the end of June I was really trying to push and force myself back into it which just didn't work! The universe kept sending me signs that it wasn't quit time. Supply orders went wrong, things that should have taken me half the time was taking me three times as much. I was overthinking and just stretching myself way to thin. Between my mommy duties, POA responsibilities for my mother, etc I was just trying to go for too much at the time.

I finally came to and stepped back knowing that when the time was right I would know.

Which brings me to a week ago. I was on facebook ( who isn't?) and one of the local boutiques in my small town made a post. The post was for a first time event they would be putting on in Nov. The purpose behind the event? To get locally ( as in the same town) crafted business a day to set up in their shop to help them network with potential clients, other businesses, the town, and sell their merchandise. All of this done in a way to support shopping local, shopping small business over big box stores- and all with no strings attached. Usually for an opportunity like this you would end up going to a craft fair, paying to set up a table, and sometimes having to pay in a percentage of your overall sales.

So needless to say this was amazing! Such a fresh idea as well! As I read through the post I was excited! I mean this was in my small little town in a beautiful newly renovated boutique that is close to home. I had been thinking about trying out a craft show but was still on the fence.

Within minutes I decided to follow the link and apply. You see their was only 10 spots available and much like a craft fair you had to fill out an application to be reviewed as part of being in the running.

The few negatives to it was that it fell on a day that my husband works so I would have to find childcare for my son for the day. This was a hard thing for me to come to the conclusion of. I wish I could just bring him with me but knew that just wouldn't work, he takes all of my attention ( something I'm completely ok with and understand but under the circumstance would not be ideal) it would already be hard enough to some how find an opportunity to sneak away to pump twice.

The mommy guilt is REAL - I know people send their children to daycare every day, or have a nanny etc but that's just not our journey. I have spent the majority of every day with my son, and he has always been watched by at least either my husband and I. Even when I've just gone to the store or to visit my mother on my own for a few hours Daddy was home with him. So the thought of being away fro him for several hours and in the care of someone other then his father has been a hard idea for my mind to grasp. I feel bad, selfish, like I should throw away the opportunity and just stay home with him.

But I know if I didn't apply and at least try I would kick myself with the "what if's" and an amazing, huge opportunity.

So I applied to it. I mean it is an amazing opportunity, something that could be amazing for me and my little families future. It didn't cost anything to apply for it and there are only ten spots open and who know's how many people would apply.

In those moments before I applied for it, I thought deeply about what this would mean. I told myself this was a great opportunity with a small acceptance window.

It couldn't hurt to try and if I did get it then I would see if one of our close friends that I Love and trust could watch my son and I would take it as a sign that it was time to go head first back into my business. This would be the fire under my own butt.

On the original post it stated that the vendors who one a spot would be announced on Halloween which was kind of cutting close for me as that would give me just over two weeks to get everything in order if I did get a spot but it wasn't impossible.

I promised myself I wouldn't get my hopes to high but in the same breath I knew that I already had and have been finding it hard not to think about. I tried to make myself feel better as I worked on my business in the mean time that if I wasn't picked it was just a good push in the right direction, i could always apply for upcoming craft fairs and this either way would light the fire under my butt to get moving and pour my passion back into it.

Last Friday night after coming home from visiting my mother I received an e-mail. I read it over at least two or three times to be sure that I read it correctly because you can easily read something too quick and miss the one word that makes the meaning the opposite of what you thought.

I GOT IT!

I was in disbelief and shock. So excited!

The self conscious part of me ( which makes up probably 90% of  my body) thought tat maybe only 10 people applied and that was the only reason I got a spot. But however it happened I am in!

So I apologize, I feel as though I have been a bit more absent from the blog then usual. I've been pouring every free second I have into my business. I run Black Cat Designs a business where I create Unique and fun designs as well as custom made to order designs for all of life's moments and occasions.

Although currently I mostly do T-shirts and sweatshirts. I also do tank tops, PJ's Baby onsies, mugs, tumblers, travel mugs, water bottles, towels, pillow cases, totes, cosmetic bags, home decor, etc basically you name it!

I do a lot of monogram work as well which is great for things like Weddings ( bridal and bachlorette parties, party favors), Birthdays and baby showers.

Each step is done by me from the fonts, images, design, colors and concept, to application.

So as I am madly designing, refining my list of which designs to make and bring to the show as I can't bring all of my designs nor would I realistically be able to produce all of them in the time I have in the quantity I would need in time.

Making my business cards, etc I am still heavily battling the mommy guilt I have put on myself.

Though I'm sure if your a parent you can understand the feeling I'm having especially if you are also a full time stay at home mom.

I'm sure it would be easier in time when he is older but it's hard. I worry about how he will feel emotionally. Will he notice my absence? Will he be scared or broken hearted? Will he wonder what he did wrong or if I'm ever coming back? Will he cry? He has always done amazing with company coming over, he interacts with them, let's them hold him, feed him etc. So Maybe that should bring me some peace of mind but my husband and I have always been there as well so what if that all changes when we aren't there?

The thing is I know this would end up happening at some point. My husband and I already have a concert planned ( as in tickets bought, baby sitter - a dear friend the same one in fact all lined up) for the end of the year. A band I have wanted to see in concert for years but they were never close enough. And I thought that was going to be hard for the same reasons, especially because I don't want to screw up his sleep schedule but how could i even avoid that? 

Ahhh it makes my mind race and clouds what should be a even more exciting and happy moment because my son is all I think about, My number one concern and thought.

Between the anxiety of trying to get everything done and just right with my business for the event and the mom guilt I'm on over drive.

I really feel what Kanye said I think anxiety could be a super power if you could properly utilize it. It makes you look way above, seeing all angles, all possibilities. It expands your mind in a way. But that's the catch right? Your thinking too much to the point it makes you crazy and is debilitating.

I have to keep reminding myself to breath and not cancel the whole thing.

to be continued  my friends